Mama_Sally

Tonight, I OFFICIALLY broke my pos camera.. for good. That makes one sad mama Sally.

Now I need to buy another one, which means more money to be spent. I suppose I can wait 'til Black Friday... but I really don't wanna have to deal with all that pushing and shoving.. ergh.

I can't even upload my pictures from tonight. Waaaahhhhh!!!!

Okay. Good night all.

I've been on and off about this for the longest time now. I've done my research and yet again, I find myself in the middle. I guess ultimately the decision is up to you to make.. but dang it's a toughie.

One can only imagine the little inconveniences that mount up from having imperfect vision. I hate having to wake up every morning to a blurry.. well, everything.. until I can finally get my hands on my glasses. Contacts is a no-go for me bc of the constant irritation it causes my eyes. I can never have 'em on for more than 30 mins until I literally have to rip 'em out. Glasses are such a hassle for me bc I cannot begin to tell you how many times I lose them! Goshhh it would be sooooo nice to wake up to a clearer view of EVERYTHING. That's like heaven for us blind folks, haha.

But of course with everything, there are both pros and cons. I've heard 'em and read 'em all. I just need to figure out if this is a good risk I shall take. Hmmmmmmmmm

I can't help but feel discontent right now. Actually, I've been feeling like this for a while.. I feel so vulnerable and I don't even know why. I feel like my life is all over the place and nothing feels/seems right. I suppose I just need to tackle things one by one and sort everything out.. but where the hell do I start?? Ugh I hate this feeling so so much. I need to do some soul searching :/

On a brighter note, I love how when Lana and I wake up in the morning.. she has to say 'good morning' to just about everything she comes across such as the couch, chair, table, bed, and etc. Haha, it's so cute.. and she does this every morning. Gosh I love my babygirl <3

I'm so not looking forward to class tomorrow morning. It's going to be a l.o.n.g. day. This will be the LAST time I take a Saturday class. I can't believe I let my cousin talk me into it, lol. At least I'll have something to look forward to later on.. a night out w/the girls. I get super excited every time we see eachother bc it doesn't happen too often. We try to get together at least once a month.. but that doesn't always happen being that everyone is so caught up doing their own thing now. Anywho, must study a bit more and then call it a night!

Ever since I got my epidural while I was in labor, I've had major back problems. I wake up every morning with an achy/sore back and it continues to ache all throughout the day. I can't even remember the last time I was able to have a good night's sleep. Yea, it's quite lovely. I need to find a cure to this soon. I must!!!! I refuse to live like this. BLEH

So we just got back from Lana's dentist appt not too long ago.. and she has a few cavities :(. Yes, I am guilty for keeping her on the bottle for too long.. but damnit I'm just too weak. I told her no more mum-mum when we got home and she cried hysterically for it and this time I stood my grounds.. but my mother ended up giving it to her. Kind of irked me a bit but I'm in no mood to argue with her today.

I'm feeling pretty crappy. I feel like I failed as a mother. Should've taken her off the bottle a LONG time ago.. and now she has to suffer bc of me. I have to take her back soon so she can get some work done and they have to put her to sleep :(. UGH I hate this.

I need a study break. Chemistry just isn't interesting to me right now, lol. And I can't stop dozing off every time I start reading the chapters.. ughhh.

Anyway, so my life has been a bit hectic lately.. but right now I'm just rolling with the punches.

School is so kicking me in the butt right now. A lot of the times, I find my mind roaming elsewhere and unable to focus on the task at hand. I just find it so damn hard to concentrate when there's a gazillion other crap I have to worry about/figure out. So yes, needless to say.. procrastination has been my best friend this semester but do not get me wrong.. I ALWAYS get the job done. OHHH, and also.. I've taken a new direction (school-wise). I hope things work out for the best and I hope my parents are able to be 100% supportive :/.

Lana had her allergist appt today and the doc prescribed her this medication in which she will be on for a whole month. We go back next month for a follow-up and to get some testing done. Although her hives aren't as crazy/dramatic anymore.. she still gets a few here and there but doc said this medication should eliminate them completely.Tomorrow I have to take her to go get a blood test :( and tomorrow is also her first dentist appt, lol. I hope she behaves.. that lil monster.

I loveeee how now that she is able to talk.. she says the cutest most sweetest things sometimes, that is when she's not trying to fight/argue with me lol. I always say to her "Lana, you're so adorable." And she'll point and me and reply back with "Mommy you 'dorable tooooo" heheheh <3. Gosh I love my Lana bear so much!!!

After so many years I FINALLY got my own membership at LA Fitness. No more being cheap and bumming off of other ppl's membership. I even bought my first ipod EVER. Yea, I'm a little behind on technology these days, lol. But anywho I am determined to be consistent and set up a definite work-out routine.. and stick to it this time around. MUST GET TONED!!!! Flabbiness just isn't cute, haaa. I have a fitness assessment with a trainer on Sunday. Hahah oh goodness, wish me luck >.<.

Okay enough of that.. must get back to studying now. Good night!

There is nothing more frustrating than knowing your baby is allergic to something.. but you don't know what.

For the past month and a half, Lana has been breaking out into these itchy hives which comes on goes. Some days she'll get 'em.. other days she won't. The first day she broke out in hives and complained of them being itchy, I made a same-day appt and took her into her pediatrician's office. The doc told me that she was having an allergic reaction to something and that it could last for up to 3 weeks.

Well it's been well over a month now.. and still, hives galore. I took her back and her doc referred us to an allergy pediatrician.. but we aren't able to get in til the 1st of next month...ergh. We must have like 10 different itch creams but nothing seems to help.. except for Children's Benedryl. Idk but I hate giving her Benedryl everytime she breaks out bc I feel like her body is so reliant on it now.. but I must, bc I also hate seeing her crying and uncomfortable.

I have no clue to what she may be allergic to. I mean, I haven't given her anything or exposed her to anything out of the norm. I'm soo anticipating her allergy appt so we can hopefully get to the bottom of this. I heard theirallergy tests they do for the lil ones aren't so fun though :/

So last night, I had a really weird/scary dream. I dreamt that Lana and I were sitting on somebody's brick fence to their backyard.. and below us was a rose bush. They were many different colored roses and I remembered thinking how beautiful they were. I couldn't resist so I picked one.. and that's when the owner of the house came out and started scareaming at us. I grabbed Lana and ran.. and he ran after us. We ran into this glass room with a whole bunch of ppl in there.. and I quickly locked the door behind us. I made a sigh of relief thinking that that was a close one.. when a man dressed up in a suit unlocked the door for him. The man who was chasing us then came up to us and twisted the skin on my chest very hard and it felt as if I could really feel the pain in real life. I started to cry bc he soon told me that he was Lana's turn and screamed "she's just a baby!"

At that exact moment I was awaken from my mom who was trying to place a red threaded bracelet on Lana while chanting a lil prayer in Khmer. I asked her what in the world she was doing.. and she had told me that she leu sop ah-kroh (had a bad dream last night). She dreamt that Lana's dad was holding her and then he dropped her.. she fell on her head and died. Her last words to me before she left to work was "Be careful."

That really freaked me out. Ever since, I was not able to go back to sleep and have been having this uneasy feeling. I know I shouldn't but i can't help but feel paranoid and think negative thoughts. Ugh, I really hope I'm just over-reacting but man, my mom really freaked me out with the whole praying thing. Huy

Growing up, I've always felt that my parents treated me differently from my brothers. For one, they were allowed more privileges.. probably due to the simple fact that they were boys. But it didn't stop there. As I got older, I began to see that it went way beyond that. They would instantly get things handed to them.. whereas I had to work for mine. Don't get me wrong.. my parents have always provided me with all of the necessities in life.. but anything extra, I had to work for myself. It was a little different for my brothers though.. especially my little one.

While in high school. I was the only senior who still rode the school bus.. up until the very last month of school. Throughout that whole time, there was an extra car we had just sitting in the garage eating dust.. but yet, I was not allowed to drive it. I held a job all throughout junior and senior year, just so I can have a few nice things. I never attended any football games.. and have only been to one school dance, which was homecoming durng freshman year. I literally had no freedom whatsoever. I wasn't even allowed to go to the mall/movies with my friends during the weekends let alone talk on the phone. I had no social life at all out of school. My parents honestly sheltered me from the oustide world. My privacy was also always invaded. While at school, my dad would go through my stuff and try to find my diaries and such.. and open and read any mail that belonged to me. I think I went through a period of depression at one point.

My little brother on the other hand. He's always been my parent's dream child. He had everything handed to him on silver platter.. and more. He never had to take the school bus to school.. ever. Right when he turned 16, he was given a car. They gave him his own credit card which he spends roughly a few G's on every month. I love my brother.. and I'm ever so proud of him for everything that he has accomplished.. but sometimes I can't help but feel a little jealous. Only bc I wish my parents could be proud of me the same way they are of him. I think I sort of just became the daughter who got knocked up.. and hasn't finished school yet.

Just needed to vent bc I'm being emo, lol. Kthxbai.

Oh my goodness, Lana is 2!!!! Ahh, I swear I say this ALL the time but dang it.. I can not get over how fast they grow. Seems like every time I blink, she's learning something new. I cannot look back on all of her baby pictures without getting all choked up, lol. Makes me so sad.. but excited nonetheless. It's a bittersweet moment for us mommies, sigh.

It is her day today.. so whatever Lana wants, Lana gets.. within reason of course :p. We're having a party for her at the house on Saturday so I rented her and the kiddies a jumping castle and a snow cone machine. They'll definitely enjoy that, I'm sure. Ahhh so crazy. My baby is growing too fast!!!

that my little brother is leaving for college today. He got a football scholarship and is leaving to Illinois in a few hours. I'm so proud of him bc he has accomplished so much already and I know that he has the drive to do so much more.. it's just hard to see him leave. We have a close relationship and it's not gna be the same without him here.. right down the hallway from Lana and I. Oh well, guess this gives me a reason to visit Illinois. :(

The days go by so fast now. Lana is going to turn 2 in Sept and it saddens me a bit. I just can't seem to grasp on to the fact that she's growing up. I feel like everytime I blink she's learning something new. It amazes me that we can have conversations with one another now.. well kinda. Haha. She's so cute but sometimes she's such a brat that I just want to spank her, lol. I loveeee my lil princess <3

Thinking back on things, I really wish I can take back some stuff. Some ppl just aren't meant to be in your life.. and it shows. I always want to give ppl the benefit of the doubt so they can prove me wrong.. bc I'd like to think that everyone has at least some good in them. But unfortuantely I was wrong.. so very wrong. This one person in particular disgusts me so much. Stop trying to buy friends with your "money." And stop bragging about things you don't have. You're a joke! Pathetic.

Lana is brushing my hair right now.. and she just took out a big chunk!!! Omg. Crazy girl.

Hahah this blog is silly and all over the place. Time to shower now!

Lana has a piggy bank and I always put money in there for her every now and then.. as do my parents. I just gave her some money just now to put in there bc she lovesss slipping the bills inside the lil slot. When she finished I  then decided to count her money to see how much she had.. and to my surprise she only has about 100 bucks in there now! This can't be bc my parents give her 60-80 at a time.. and her other Grandma just gave her 200 bucks for Chinese New year a few months ago. I am so upset right now.. mostly at the fact that someone would do that.. and not just any somebody, but someone in our house.. or someone that comes in and out of our house. I hate to think that someone close to me could possibly do this but gosh i can't believe it :(

No more piggy banks I guess. Time to open up an account for her..

Got this in my email.. and thought I should share ;)

SINGLE

MARRIED

DIVORCED

ANDDDD

Captured at 115th and Allisonville Rd. In Fishers, Indianapolis.  
The sign is real and was up for two hours before someone stopped
And told them how to spell PEONIES!

Happy Thursday guys! =)

Seriously, out of the manyyy years I've been on here.. I have never had a problem with anyone nor have I ever got in the mix of all the drama that goes on. I sort of just mind my own business and go about my way.. that is until recently. Some girl on here is going around saying that I'm married, easy, stuck-up, and too into myself. Supposedly she asked some of the ppl on my friend's list. Hahaha, how pathetic. I know it's just the internet.. but gosh!!!

Got this in my email today and thought it was funny and cute. Enjoy!

A Kid Whose Parents Just Got Divorced Writes A Book by Brian Murphy on yesterday

Almost 3am and I can't seem to sleep. I feel like a I have a gazillion thoughts running through my mind.. all in which excludes the more important stuff such as.. my last final. Sometimes I question that reasons behind certain things. Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I should just let it be and quit trying to fight it.. and just simply move on. I hate the fact that I'm always trying to over-analyze things. I always feel the need to justify my feelings and the feelings of others as well. I just need to let it be and take it for what it is!!!!

AHH, I can't take this anymore! My throat hurts sooo bad, it's killing me. My body aches, coughing like crazy, throbbing headache, hot/cold flashes, and I feel extremely weak.

I have a doctor's appt at 11am. I doubt they're gna give me anything since the flu is a virus.. so basically you just gotta treat the symptoms.. BUT nothing seems to work for me. I hope this is nothing serious and I hope my lil one doesn't get sick either =(.

What a night. Omg.. never again. One thing's for sure though.. I'll never look at some ppl the same again. Its amazing how ppl completely change when they have just a tiny bit of alcohol in their system. Should've stayed home with my Lana baby instead.

The feeling of bombing a big test makes me sick to my stomach.

Shopping helped with the crappy feeling.. but too bad it was only temporary. You have no idea the therapeutic effect shopping has on a stressful day. lol.

BLAHHHHH!

I am so damn frustrated right now!!! I can't seem to find my keys anywhere. It's driving me insane. I tore the whole house down all day in hopes of finding it.. but no luck.

Idk if Lana played with it and placed it somewhere or what.. but there's no used in trying to ask her due to the huge language barrier between us. HUYYYY.